If you stick around long enough with any married couple, you’ll hear some of their problems because every marriage has tension and disagreements.
Rob doesn’t put the toilet seat down, Jasmine is always late, and Josh is useless around the house. At first, these can come across as funny nuances, but over time they can be very wearing and can also be the tip of the iceberg of far bigger problems.
It’s a sobering thought that one in three marriages in Australia end in divorce and, of those who remarry, a further 50% fail. Sadly, around 46,000 couples divorce each year, leaving more than 40,000 children in the heartbreaking situation of a split family (1). If this were a list of failed businesses, then most organisations would make serious changes to restore their losses.
Marriage: 4 factors worth considering
So, what changed in these couples’ lives to take them from ‘I do’ to ‘I no longer will’?
Certainly every divorce came about due to contributing factors, but some common and significant socio-economic, racial and cultural factors are worth considering for the currently married.
- The increase of women in the workforce means that women are no longer likely to marry out of necessity, or stay in a marriage for financial reasons. They are more capable to manage on their own than they have been in the past (2).<
- Reliable contraception (and legal abortion) leads to fewer children, or none, and planned spacing, which allows for pursuits other than a focus on the family (2).
- Research into increased longevity claims that couples who do not divorce during the child-rearing years can expect another 20 years together. And marriages can become challenged when the kids leave home and a new era begins (2).
- A profound change in gender roles means that many women are rejecting the age-old assumption that they alone will take care of the children, the elderly, and the ill, and do all of the emotional work, and all the housework.(2).
The institution of marriage has shifted and been distorted from its original intention of equal union under God and, instead, has become the corrupted ground of inequality between men and women. A sad legacy reinforced by society and multi-generational traditions (3). It’s no wonder that many couples now wish to form a new kind of partnership based on fairness.
Rather than focusing on particular spouses’ problems, perhaps take some time to address the institution of marriage and the factors that influence the current high divorce rate.
Marriage: Adapting for Equal Partnership
If marriage is to be satisfying for both partners, then we need to search for new opportunities to adapt to equal partnership. Things like:
- Both partners flexibly addressing and dividing up family responsibilities without an excessive load falling on one partner.
- An equal arrangement where each participates fully in the emotional life of the family.
- An environment where each spouse supports the other in defining and supporting personal goals.
- Full and equal participation in economic decision-making (2).
My next blog will continue with how we can make our marriages last.
Contact me if you need to book an appointment to work on your marriage.
References:
(1). Australian Bureau of Statistics. (2014). Marriages and Divorces, viewed 25 July 2016,
http://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/abs@.nsf/mf/3310.0
(2). Carter, B. (1993). Clinical dilemmas in marriage: The search for equal partnership. [Videotape produced by Steve Lerner which demonstrates the multi- contextual framework.) New York: The Guilford Press.
(3). Carter, B., & McGoldrick, M. (2005). The expanded family life cycle. Individual, family, and social perspectives (3rd Ed.). Boston. Beacon Press.
