The institution of marriage has shifted and been distorted from its original intention of equal union under God. Instead it has become the corrupted ground of inequality between men and women, a sad legacy reinforced by society and multi-generational traditions (1).
It’s no wonder that many couples are now wishing to form a new kind of partnership based on fairness.
Rather than focusing on particular spouses’ problems, it might be helpful to take some time to address the institution of marriage and the factors that influence the current high divorce rate.
Many couples seek professional relationship counselling to help deal with issues like these when it’s almost too late.
Marriages and divorce rates
If marriage is to be satisfying for both partners, then we need to search for new opportunities to adapt to equal partnership. Things like:
- Both partners flexibly addressing and dividing up family responsibilities without an excessive load falling on one partner.
- An equal arrangement where each participates fully in the emotional life of the family.
- An environment where each spouse supports the other in defining and supporting personal goals.
- There is full and equal participation in economic decision-making (2).
Marriage Tension x3
There are typically three areas of tension that spouses too often avoid. It also doesn’t help when society also doesn’t acknowledge their importance.
These are the three key interrelated issues:
- Gender roles: Many women work full-time and can often be expected to carry the majority of the household duties and manage the demands of the children. On the other hand, the husband may have a seemingly unquestionable arrangement of his work schedule.
- Money: The amount and control of the couple’s money.
- Power: The expectation that the wife will share responsibility for earning income (1).
These struggles lead to an erosion of intimacy, which is such an important part of marriage. This includes the physical and emotional aspects of a relationship, such as trust, and giving and receiving (3).
Professional help may be difficult to ask for and comes with a cost, but it costs a lot more to get divorced.
Many couples seek professional relationship counselling to help deal with issues like these when it’s almost too late. Professional help may be difficult to ask for and comes with a cost, but it costs a lot more to get divorced. You can save your marriage – but don’t just go it alone. There is no shame in asking for help, and it can lead to a far better place for your marriage.
References
(1) Carter, B. (1993). Clinical dilemmas in marriage: The search for equal partnership. [Videotape produced by Steve Lerner which demonstrates the multi- contextual framework.) New York: The Guilford Press.
(2). Carter, B., & McGoldrick, M. (2005). The expanded family life cycle. Individual, family, and social perspectives (3rd Ed.). Boston. Beacon Press.
(3). Farrel, B. (2016). Good Lovin’. Thriving Family magazine (June/July 2016 issue), Focus on the Family’s Marriage and Parenting Magazine. http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/sex-and-intimacy/a-satisfying-sex-life-is-it-possible
