Self-Esteem. How good is life when we feel good about ourselves? We feel healthier, look happier, have more energy, and problems seem manageable. But, when we feel miserable, life looks like a horror movie! We don’t like ourselves, we binge on junk food, start arguments, and everything is a big deal!
On those gloomy days we are also more likely to have accidents – crash the car, trip over the dog, fall down the stairs – you name it. For me, accidents seem to happen more readily, or perhaps more noticeably, when I feel bad about myself.
When I recognise I’m in that situation, here are six things I do and I encourage others to try too:
1. I never criticise myself – we all have faults, but there’s no need to advertise and reiterate them! Research has found, “What we agonise over, others may hardly notice and soon forget” (1). Furthermore, when we criticise ourselves, others find it annoying!
2. I accept compliments – practise saying “Thank you!”, treat it as a gift, write it down and read it often.
3. I separate my behaviour from my self. Everyone makes mistakes. So, when you make a mistake, take a moment to understand how it happened then try again. You might say, “But Jenny, you don’t understand. I’ve made some BIG mistakes (with big consequences).” It’s important to understand what happened.
Let me give you an example. Many years ago I went on a date with a guy to a very expensive restaurant. The bill was enormous and I expected (and allowed) him to pay. I took advantage of him. Later, I felt bad because I don’t normally behave that way. I took advantage of this person because I was tired of people taking advantage of me!
I made him pay for what others had done to me. I’m not proud of that, but when I understood my actions, I was able to ease the regret and guilt. Understanding our behaviour will help us think positively about ourselves again.
4. I spend time with positive people. The company you keep has a huge effect on how you feel. If your family isn’t happy and supportive, then you’ll need to find friends who are. Talk with positive people, and don’t make plans with people you know to be negative – because it will be a disaster. Positive friends and family will make a huge difference to the way you feel about yourself (2).
5. I memorise Bible verses that boost self-confidence, such as, “Christ is the one who gives me the strength I need to do whatever I must do” (Phil. 4:13 ERV), or “With God’s power working in us, He can do much, much more than anything we can ask or think of” (Eph. 3:20 ERV).
6. I feel good about myself by minding my manners! Do something complimentary for others like allowing someone else to go first, giving a compliment, or being friendly and inclusive. It can say, “I see value in you”. We can begin to understand what’s important to us (our values) when we initialise these types of actions toward others.
I trust these things will help you as much as they’ve helped me. What techniques or suggestions help you feel good about yourself? Please share.
References:
(1) Savitsky,E., Epley, N., & Gilovich, T. (2001). Do others judge as harshly as we think? Overestimating the impact of our failures, shortcomings, and mishaps. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 81, 44–56, (p. 34).
(2) Matthews, A. (2001). Being a happy teen. Queensland. Seashell Publishers.
