It’s not every day your friend tells you she wants to commit suicide.
As we sat drinking coffee, I could tell Jodie was feeling down. She started talking about work, then problems at home, the kids were getting her down, and her parents’ were getting on in years. It seemed pretty much everything was out of control and worrying her.
Then Jodie shared a statement that rang my alarm bells. “I just can’t do this anymore. I wish I could end it all.”
Perhaps I didn’t hear her correctly? “Umm, Jodie… I’m just wondering – are you thinking about killing yourself?”
I could see it was difficult for her to answer, but the answer came.
It was a clear: “Yes.”
I took a very deep breath.
I went on to ask whether she had done anything about it or made any plans.
To my immediate relief came the answer: “No, I wouldn’t do anything because of the kids.”
Ok, so Jodie hadn’t made any plans, but still, my friend was in a bad place. Suicide sure seemed like a way to solve it all. Jodie seemed to think everyone would be better off without her.
Sadly Jodie is not alone in viewing suicide as a solution. In fact seven Australians die by suicide every day, and a further 200 more make non-fatal attempts. (1). Suicidal thoughts are more common than you may realise. In fact it has been reported that up to 95% of people will think about suicide at some point during their life. (2).
Some of the common warning signs include:
- Excessive drinking and/or drug use – especially to “forget about everything”
- Communicating feelings of being trapped, like “there’s no way out”
- Talking about everything as “hopeless”, or “what’s the use in living”
- Talking about death or dying. (3).
If you suspect someone you know is thinking about suicide then be brave and ask them outright.
If you suspect someone you know is thinking about suicide then be brave and ask them outright – just like I did with Jodie. Just because they are talking about it, doesn’t necessarily mean they will follow through.
Yes, it’s really scary, but the opportunity to talk about their feelings or reasons for wanting to die usually brings them great relief. It often helps to let them know that it’s not surprising they feel this way with all that’s happening.
Suicidal thoughts are serious. And if you sense there’s a higher level of planning involved (more than just a thought) then, this means an even greater risk. You will need to help your friend seek professional care immediately.
There are a number of very caring and helpful organisations including Lifeline 13 11 14, or the Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467. Believe me – they can really help.
The important thing to remember is that there is hope for a full recovery for your friend – but it may all start with you being the one who cares enough to ask the hard, but caring, direct question.
References:
1. Australian Bureau of Statistics. (2012). http://www.abs.gov.au/
2. Lifeline Australia. (2010). https://www.lifeline.org.au
3. Kitchener, B. A., Jorm, A. F., & Kelly, C. M. (2013). Mental health first aid manual. (3rd Ed.). Melbourne: Mental Health First Aid Australia.
